Pressing the Reset Button

Last night my wife and I indulged in something that we haven't had the opportunity to do for some time:  We went out together with no kids in tow.  Just a quick three hours down at our local pub, with a couple of mates to join us.  We had a friend volunteer to babysit, and luckily the timing was perfect.  It's been about 18 months since we had been out together and the lack of grown-up time, out and about, was driving us completely nuts.  So, we were able to get out and press our reset button, have a few beers, hang out with friends and basically have a ball.  Ah!  The simple life of pre-children adulthood!  Occasions such as this do wonders for a relationship - if only it was a more common occurrence!

So after we came home, and I had driven our friend home, we had a glass of wine, sat on the couch together and just hung out a bit more.  It was wonderful!  The kids were fast asleep in bed and all was well.  My wife suggested a sexy movie.  I put on a collection of Tera Patrick scenes.  Ms Patrick is a very attractive lady, but my word she does some very dull and sometimes hilarious porn!  Some of it is pretty gross, actually, with male actors that look like throw-offs from bikie gangs, fucking her quite roughly, and some of it is plain ridiculous with the same old tired and bored stuff with the same old tired and bored facial expressions etc.  We did find some nice scene eventually, something from Suze Randall's catalogue.  And as soon as the erotic and sexy stuff was on we made love on the couch - the porn forgotten and unwatched.  Funny isn't it?  Just the idea of porn being on in the background is very appealing to my wife.  She doesn't need to be watching it to be aroused by it. 

We had a great night.

Welcome

This blog is nothing more than a cheap and convenient form of therapy.  I write less for you and more for myself, just as a way to get some things off my chest, and to help me reason through some of the issues I face in my relationship with my wife of 17 years.


I love my wife more than I can describe (it's a cliche, I know).  I have never been unfaithful, I only have eyes for her.  I hear a lot of talk from other men about women, about what they would like to do to so and so, how they would fuck certain women in a certain way, and to be honest that kind of locker room talk neither impresses me, nor interests me.  Sex to me is not something that needs to be discussed or dissected or bragged about outside a relationship.  Sex is fun, absolutely, and a great source of pleasure, but there is no doubt in my mind that sex is also an almost (dare I say) sacred act between a loving couple, and needs to be treasured as such.  Even though it is vague and ever-shifting, there is a line that is crossed when people (usually men) discuss their private sexual dealings with others.  To me it is gauche and vulgar.  Don't get me wrong, if you're young - or old - and it's consensual, then anything goes.  I don't have any problem with homosexuality, people being tied up, humiliated, group sex, masturbation, toys, fetishes, whatever.  SO LONG AS IT'S CONSENSUAL, ANYTHING GOES.  There are exceptions.  Animals, children, rape, real violence.  Don't go there.  There is a host of moral and ethical reasons why those lines should never be crossed.  But I know what I like, and for me there is a system of social etiquette that should be observed - for the sake of honouring and respecting one's partner, if nothing else.

And yet, here I am, starting a blog where the main focus will be my sex-life.  I am hiding behind my anonimity.  Perhaps I am a coward.  Or just a hypocrite.  Or both.

I do watch porn every once in a while.  As does my wife - although (as far as I know) she only ever watches it with me (more on this later).  I do not like the kind of adult movies that show rough or degrading acts.  I am not particularly interested in seeing anal sex, although sometimes it can be portrayed as arousing and erotic.  I absolutely hate seeing anything forced.  The whole throat-gagging, rape-fantasy, ass-slapping, punishment style is a complete turn-off, and a bit of a concern.  What I find arousing is seeing a woman in control, but without the dominatrix vibe (which I feel is more of a male-oriented fanasy anyway), I love seeing a woman take pleasure from sex. 

I love looking at erotic photographs.  I am turned on by the possibilities of erotica.  I do not fantasize about the women I see in porn.  Rather, I fantasize about my wife and I being together and intimate in an erotic scenario.  I absolutely do not dream about my wife as a 'porn star'.  I do not look for my wife to be this compliant, cum-guzzling whore who I can use to suit my own violent, dominant fantasies.  When we watch porn together, it is usually at her prompting.  The movie goes on, we watch for about 10 minutes or so, playing with each other, teasing, and then we make love.  Porn is used by us as a form of foreplay.

My own sexuality is important to me.  I am very aware that I am a very sexual creature.  This causes problems in my relationship with my wife.  Masturbation only goes so far.  I crave intimacy.  The frequency of sex with my partner is an issue.  Perhaps what I think is a very low frequency, others might think is an embarassment of riches.  And vice versa.  I will discuss more on this in future posts.